Refugee

“We’ll be back soon, Ana.” Mama caressed my cheek as she spoke, trying to ease the fear she could see in my eyes. “We just need to make sure your grandparents are safe.”

“I don’t want you to go,” I pleaded, my tears making no effort to hide themselves. “I want to keep you safe.”

“We’ll only be gone a day or two,” Papa said as he pulled on his coat. “You can take care of yourself while we’re gone, right?”

“I’m eighteen, Papa, of course I can, but that doesn’t mean--”

“Then you know that we can stay safe until we return.” Once his shoes were on, he came to me and ruffled my hair, something he’d done since I was a baby. “We love you.”

I didn’t want to watch them leave, to know that they would put themselves in the way of danger. I wanted to convince myself that they were only going to the store or something mundane like that, but the sound of a distant explosion reminded me that our lives were anything but plain. Our country was in the middle of a war, and I was afraid we were on the losing side.

It took two weeks to go through all the food we had stored away, but I’d lost my appetite when my parents hadn’t returned by then. Every day, I’d look out my bedroom window in hopes I’d see Mama holding Papa’s hand as they returned, but each time they were dashed by the tanks that passed by. I tried calling Mama’s phone, as well as my grandparent’s house, but I’d cry when no one answered.

Growing up, Papa would make sure I knew that if anything happened while they were away, to go to our neighbor’s house. They were an older couple, Mr. and Mrs. Koval, and good friends of my parents. Often I thought about dashing to their house, to see if they’d heard anything, but I didn’t see anyone leave or enter their house since Mama and Papa left. I had never felt more alone.

One night, a knock on our front door echoed throughout the house. I wanted to be hopeful, that it was my parents finally returning after so long, but I was also afraid it was one of the soldiers that I’d seen go by. I cautiously went to the door, making sure not to say a word, when the person on the other side knocked once again.

“Ana? Ana, it’s Mrs. Koval. May I come in?”

My eyes widened and I dashed to the nearest window to see if it really was her. A familiar shawl and gray hair was all I needed to know that she was telling the truth. I opened the door and pulled her inside.

“Mrs. Koval, what are you doing here? I thought you were--”

“If we stay here much longer, then we will be. Mr. Koval went with your parents when they left, and if we leave now, we can meet them all at the train station.” Her hand caressed my cheek like Mama did. “Get your clothes and passport. We’re leaving the country.”

“What? But Papa said to stay here until they came back. They promised they’d come back.”

“I know, dear, but that isn’t an option anymore. We need to leave, and we must hurry.”

As I went up the stairs, I heard Mrs. Koval talk to someone on her phone, saying we’d meet them at the station and would be leaving soon. Was she talking to Mama? Papa? Or, more likely, Mr. Koval?

I grabbed my bookbag and filled it with as many clothes as I could fit, then put some personal treasures in a smaller bag to take, as well. I shoved my phone and my wallet into my pockets and returned downstairs to Mrs. Koval, her own bag sitting behind her.

“Are you ready?” She asked. When I nodded, she smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Mrs. Koval? Are you okay?”

With a shaky breath, her smile faded away. “In our forty years together, I never thought that I’d be afraid to lose Sergiy. Now I have to trust in God that he’s waiting for me at that station. Like you have to trust that your parents are there, too.”

I took her hand in mine, smiling when her gaze met my own. “Then, Mrs. Koval, let’s go meet them together.”

Her small smile returned, “Please, dear, call me Oxana.”

With a nod, I lightly squeezed her hand. “Lead the way, Oxana.”

She opened the door and stepped outside, but before I could leave, I looked back at my childhood home. The painted walls that I used to draw on so often, the kitchen where Mama and I would laugh, the stairs I’d march up whenever I was angry at Papa. The memories that were made here, I had to leave them behind like they never happened. It scared me that I’d never return to this place, but I had to go if it meant I had the chance to find a new home - and make new memories - elsewhere.

So, I closed the door behind me, and started my journey with Oxana, praying that my family would be whole once again.

The sky was a bleak shade of gray, instead of its usual blue hue - like even the sky was afraid of what would happen. The air was still, but it was far from quiet when the echoes of distant explosions filled our hearts with dread.

It wasn’t long into our trek that we met up with others that wanted to flee. Some older than Oxana, some around my age, while others were barely able to walk on their own. No one should have to endure living through a war, no matter how old or young they are.

Someone in our group said we were about halfway to the train station, so after a full day of constant walking, we took refuge in an alley, careful to not be seen if any soldiers passed us by. The first thing everyone seemed to do was try to use their phones, doing whatever they could to reach their loved ones waiting for them. Even Oxana called Mr. Koval -- rather, Sergiy. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders as she cried to him over the phone, begging him to stay safe until she got to him.

My phone began to vibrate in my pocket, and when I checked to see who it was, my bottom lip started to quiver when I saw a familiar number was calling me. I answered quickly, my voice breaking as I spoke. “Mama…”

“Oh, Ana.” She sounded like she wanted to cry as well, “Are you alright? Did Mrs. Koval find you?”

“She did, Mama, and we’re on our way to meet you at the station. I was so scared, I thought I lost you.” It was Oxana’s turn to hold me as I cried into the phone. “I’m so scared, Mama.”

“I know, darling. I am too. But we’ll be together soon. I promise. I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner. We had to make sure we were safe, too. Your grandparents are here, too, and we’re all waiting for you.” She started humming a soft lullaby into the phone, and I wanted nothing more than to hug her and Papa, to know we were together again. “Ana, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“What? No, don’t go yet. Please. Please, Mama, don’t go.”

“You’ll see me tomorrow, and you’ll see Papa, and your grandparents, too, darling. We’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.”

“I love you too, Mama.”

We hung up and I dried my tears, desperate to keep it together until we made it to the train station.

That night, I dreamed for the first time in almost three weeks. I dreamt I was in the kitchen of our old home, and Mama was making a batch of cookies for us to share with our neighbors. I was only a little girl then, but I could still smell the sweets as if they were right in front of me. I wanted nothing more than to return to that day, to not let any worries flood my mind and live a simple life once again.

Early the next morning, we set out for our destination in hopes that we wouldn’t have to travel much longer. As we walked, I let my mind wander, thinking about where we’d go once we boarded the train. Would we visit our cousins in Slovakia? Or maybe we’d finally go to America like we’d always planned to do! Start a new life, maybe meet a cute American boy. Finally go back to a normal life.

The sun was beginning to set, and the clouds decided to part just enough so we could see the train station. We were almost there! Some of us even started to run, wanting to end this journey once and for all… when the sound of gunfire came from behind us.

I turned around and saw multiple soldiers running towards us, their guns drawn and ready to fire. We just had to turn one corner around a building so they wouldn’t have a clear shot, then we were free from this Hell. Everyone had already made it to the other side of the building, other than Oxana and me. I pushed her to safety, but I couldn’t say the same for myself.

A single gunshot was the last I heard before I felt a horrible pain in my chest. Everything faded to black and I fell to the ground when I heard someone screaming my name.

Mama? Mama, where are you? Did I make it? Am I safe?

Are we free?

I was surrounded in darkness for a long time, alone in a sea of nothingness. Did I die? Was I robbed of the freedom I was so close to getting? 

The darkness gradually turned into a bright white light, until finally everything came into focus. I was in a hospital room, alone. I looked down and saw the bandage wrapped around my chest. A nurse stepped into my room and her eyes widened before leaving as quickly as she entered. A doctor was the next to come inside, followed closely by my parents. I wanted to cry, but I was so terribly weak, all I could do was smile as my lip quivered.

Papa came to one side as Mama went to the other, both of them hugging me gently. I was alive. I was home.

I was free.